Standing still

Drinking wasn’t forbidden as a Jehovah’s Witness, everyone I knew drank. This was one indulgence I didn’t have to feel guilty about. The last year of my marriage and the first few months out on my own I drank regularly. Life was all about not thinking about my religion. At this point I wasn’t doing anything “wrong,” I was just standing still, stuck. I went to work, came home and lived my son’s life until he went to bed and then I drank to sleep dreamless sleep.During this time one of the parents from the class I worked in died and we went to her funeral. It was at a church and they spoke in tongues. I was scared, I was still thinking like a Jehovah’s Witness and I imagined Armageddon coming and here I am in a church, Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t go into churches, not even for their jobs. My co-worker and friend Tracy could see how mortified I was and she put her hand on my back and asked if I was ok. Simple, nothing to her, but meant the world to me. All the times I’d sat at the Kingdom Hall and felt alone,cried in the bathroom or had to go to the parking lot with everyone looking at me because I was so emotional, no one ever asked me if I was ok. No one patted my shoulder, I was just invisible.

Not long after that Tracy had a book she’d been keeping in her desk for a while. She had read it when we first met to try and help me, funny how strangers could see I was struggling when my “Brothers and Sisters” couldn’t. It was all about how to reason with someone who had gotten involved with the witnesses. The anti-Reasoning book. As much as it scared me to take it, and who knows how long she’d had it in her desk trying to find a time to reason with me I’m glad she decided to show it to me. Much like my mom, I was sure this book was wrong, but I couldn’t resist. The first page explained that the person you were trying to save would not listen to you if you blatantly tell them the truth about their religion and they would not be open to a free exchange of information. I was hooked, I read the book that night and finally got to see my unsupported beliefs that relied on blind faith up against the facts.

Finally, I’m ready to quit standing still, I haven’t found anything to go toward, but I have to move on.

P.S. Thank you Tracy for finding the book again. Answering Jehovah’s Witnesses Subject by Subject by David A Reed -Definitely recommended reading if you are struggling with leaving the Jehovah’s Witness religion or for anyone who knows someone who is a Jehovah’s Witness. It really explains many things, but not how someone could believe it, that is still a mystery.

 

Tags: Answering Jehovah's Witnesses Subject by Subject, armageddon, David A Reed, Jehovah's Witness, reasoning book